1. What is the meaning of distal occlusion?
- there’s a dangerous blockage in the IV line
- the patient’s elbow is bent
- the patient’s blankets are on top of the IV tubing
2. How many of my visitors thought that a book of logic puzzles would be the perfect gift to help me occupy my time?
- One of them
- Two of them
- All of them
- None of them
3. What is a good response when a patient’s IV alarm goes off repeatedly? Which choice did my nurses make?
- Ignore it. It doesn’t really matter how much of that stuff patients get.
- Discover the cause and fix the problem.
4. How long does it take for a nurse to ignore hospital policy and teach a patient when and how to reset the IV pump?
- one hour after inserting the IV
- five hours after inserting the IV
- fifteen minutes into the second shift with that patient and the alarm is still an issue
5. How long does it take for a CNA to ignore hospital policy and give a patient pen & paper, and request that the patient empty their own hat as needed and just keep track of the volume?
- one day
- two days
- five days
6. What is the best way to have the nurses check on you and make sure you’re okay?
- Snap at them about their idiotic, inefficient procedures first thing when they meet you
- Have pizza delivered for them
- It doesn’t matter; they’ll treat everyone the same
(If you chose #3, wrong. Try again.)
7. You are given three meal trays. Based on their contents, identify which meal is breakfast, which meal is lunch, and which one is dinner:
- Chicken broth, black tea, green jello, grape juice, apple flavored Ensure
- Chicken broth, black tea, red jello, cranberry juice, orange popsicle
- Beef broth, black tea, green jello, apple juice
8. What are the odds of four doctors convincing me to have my gallbladder removed?
- 100% – nobody needs a gallbladder
- 0% – nobody should ever have surgery
- Slim – less invasive treatments should be tried first
- Better with major advancements in rheumatology:
GI cleared me to go home.
Now waiting on my family physician, who is waiting on my rheumatologist.
Maybe by tonight!