There was an old annoying radio commercial with the line, “Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?” Obviously it wasn’t a good commercial since I don’t remember what product it was selling, but I remember that line.
I am tired. Tired of needing to see so many doctors. Tired of taking pills. Tired of needles and shots. Tired of all that money spent at the pharmacy. Tired of EOBs. Tired of it all.
Last spring, due to my family’s needs, I rescheduled two doctor’s appointments, and it was wonderful! I was surprised at how liberating it felt to not go to the doctor. Instead, I felt almost normal – out living my life as if I were in ignorant bliss of autoimmune diseases and the terrible impact they can have on individuals and families. Not seeing any doctors felt like a vacation.
That vacation was so wonderful that I quit my job as “patient” and vacationed some more. No visits to the pharmacy. No pills. No shots. No perusing of EOBs when they arrived. I just lived normally, and it was great.
I wonder if maintaining an intense focus on one’s medical condition is good. Having your life revolve around doctor’s appointments, trips to the pharmacy, physical therapy, weekly shots, numerous daily pills, keeping track of what the insurance company is doing, and staying on top of tons of medical bills is exhausting.
The problem with quitting is that I now have a stack of old EOBs to wade through. I have a pile of prescription receipts to file. There’s a cupboard full of pill bottles that should have been emptied but weren’t, and some fancy pill-reminder-boxes that have stayed empty far too long. Quitting might not have been a good idea.
Worst of all is that I knew better. I knew that those meds have a purpose, but I loved the freedom of not thinking about RA and its treatment all the time. Those meds don’t work from the cupboard; I have to actually swallow the pills and inject the injectable meds if they’re to do their jobs. Oops.
So now, I’m looking for balance. I can’t ignore everything, but I don’t want to obsess over RA, either. Neither extreme is healthy. I’ll see if I can find a good balance.
∞ itis 
Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I took a few months off recently as well (with the exception of one small NSAID that I didn’t even notice taking). It was great being a “real” person again — until “real” reality caught up with the dream. You’re right – balance is good. Balance is the best we can hope to achieve. Sending you hugs as you search for yours.
Socks! I’ve been on my own, semi-forced hiatus. Some things I just can’t take right now (Orencia and mtx), still taking others. And putting off some doctors appointments just because I want to. I go to church with one of my docs, and he actually caught me in the hallway and reminded me I was due to see him. I told him I’d be there one of these days! 🙂 Like you, I love the freedom of feeling more normal, not tied to RA, as if I’ve almost stepped back into my other life. I’m still faithfully swallowing a few pills, though. Balance? It’s hard to find in the RA life, which seems to me more like a see-saw anyway. I hope you find that balance.
I am taking the summer off from my mtx. I am happy, happy, happy to get those 2 days back a week that I use to lose to the mtx. Still taking the Enbrel and other meds but oh the joy of being chemo free. I’m hoping that things continue to go well and I can make this a permanent thing.
Great post. I think it is easy to let our sickness take over our lives. A vacation is a good reminder that it doesn’t have to.
I definitely know what you mean. It’s so hard to forget about everything when you’re tied to your pill and doctor regimen. I definitely haven’t found the perfect balance yet.
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Yes, yes, yes! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! Not sure I’m ready to take a vaca from my meds but boy do I hear you! Diagnosed not quite two years ago and still looking for some kind of even keel. I think you are correct though, obsession is certainly not the way. I will start my first biologic this month and I am hoping that this will allow me to reduce the MTX and maybe some of the other meds and if I can reduce my pain and fatigue to a livable level maybe I can reset my sails and find that keel. I understand your desire but I think you need to keep at least a light hand on the tiller or you’ll never be able to respond when the wind blows. A light touch, a face to the wind and enjoy the ride if you can!
I know what you mean – I am definitely sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am tired of copays and deductibles. I am tired of understanding terms like EOBs and PCPs. I have to see a doctor at least once a month for something so if I got three months, I have had a vacation but it has not happened in a while. Like you, I am just looking for a balance between the two.
A loved one of mine took a vacation from her ra treatment. Fast forward a few years we were in all manner of specialists offices trying to figure out the cause of her wiped out white blood count, enlarged spleen, massive memory issues….. bone biopsy later we discover she has felty syndrome a complication of untreated ra. She began treatment but her memory is still not where it was. Be careful your vacation doesn’t end up costing far more than you realized