I’m Fine… How Are You?

There’s nothing the matter with me.

I’m just as healthy as can be.

Sure I’ve got arthritis in both knees,

And when I walk, I creak and I wheeze.

My pulse is shaky, my blood is thin,

But I’m awfully well… for the shape I’m in!

 

I have supports for the shoes on my feet,

Or I wouldn’t dare appear on the street.

Sleep is denied me… every night,

And every morning, I look a sight.

I’m practically living on aspirin,

But I’m feeling fine… for the shape I’m in!

 

My teeth are good; they fit and they’re fine,

And I’ve paid for them, so I know they’re mine.

But having good teeth, my diet is beat.

I watch it at meals… and between times I cheat.

So I’m fat in the places I should be thin,

But I’m awfully well… for the shape I’m in!

 

Old age is golden… I’ve heard it said.

Sometimes I doubt it… when I go to bed

With my ears in a drawer and my teeth in a cup

And my eyes on a shelf until I get up.

As I drift off to sleep I keep asking myself,

Is there anything else I should put on the shelf?

 

When I was young my slippers were red

And I could kick them over my head.

When I grew older my slippers were blue

And I could dance the whole night through.

Now I’m older and my slippers are black;

I walk to the corner and puff my way back.

 

And how do I know that my youth is spent?

Cause my get-up-and-go just got up and went!

But I really don’t mind… when I think of the fun

Or all the things my get up has done…

I ponder them over with a grin

Well, I haven’t done bad for the shape I’m in.

 

I dream through the night of my slippers so fine

And the get-up-and-go that used to be mine.

Then I rise in the morning and gather my wits,

Pick up the paper and read the o’bits…

If my name isn’t there, then I know I’m not dead

So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed!

 

The moral of this sorry tale I unfold

That for you and me that are growing old

Though memories are failing and youth is gone

And minds tempted to drift and to doze and to yawn

It’s better to say, “I’m fine,” with a grin

Than to let the world know the shape we’re in!

(posted on the wall at my rheumy’s office – author unknown)